There’s a lot of changes that come with losing a drastic amount of weight. They’re just as much emotional as they are physical and they affect every aspect of your life. From daily interactions, relationships to hard realizations, I’ll tell you the 10 things I’ve had to find out for myself.
Check out my podcast episode on this topic to hear more about what no one tells you about weight loss!
1. Your body won’t look like what you imagined it would
This is obviously completely dependent on the individual, amount of weight loss and places they carried their weight. I personally carried most of my weight in my midsection and arms (my arms were 24″ around!), while some people carry most of their weight in their lower body.
When I first started losing weight, I was so excited to see my body changing. I began envisioning how I would look at a healthy weight. Fantasizing about what my “new” body would look like. I’ve been overweight since childhood so I’m sure you could imagine how exciting the prospect of looking like a typical, healthy 20-something was to me. I was pretty much completely oblivious to the fact that it may not look like I spent so much time thinking it would. I began to notice my skin starting to sag. After a certain point, it seemed like with every pound I lost, more excess skin showed up in its place. It started to become a big issue as I got closer to my goal weight. I couldn’t look in the mirror without my eyes instantly fixating on my loose skin.
I would even lay in bed and play with it or stand in front of the mirror holding it up or to the side to imagine what I would look like without it. I would think to myself, “this is what my body ACTUALLY looks like.” I can wrap my loose arm skin all the way around my arm and my stomach puddles and wrinkles when I lay on my side. I would respond to compliments from my friends about how good I looked by showing them my loose skin. I stopped hearing these positive comments from my loved ones and internally replaced them with thoughts about how badly I felt about my body under the clothes they’re seeing me in.
This is a far cry from what my imagined body would be, back when I was 293 pounds. It’s been a challenge to let go of what I thought I would look like and accept the reality of how obesity and weight loss has left my body looking like now. I wrestled with feeling like this is what I deserved – to be trapped in a body that reminds me every day of what I did to myself. I had self-deprecating thoughts about how I will always see my body in a way that relates to my weight struggle, whether being obese or having massive amounts of loose skin, I’ll forever have to think about it. It’s hard to realize that I’ll never look like a person who didn’t battle a weight issue and it’s hard to know it’s because of my choices.
I’m mentally in a better space now. I’ve worked hard to change my perspective and negative self-talk. I’ve realized that those wrinkles where my skin hangs shows that I fought my way back from a future I was seemingly destined for. I’ve began to appreciate how strong and capable this body is. I’ve learned that the loose skin will never hold me back, while the weight I carried always did. Even though I refuse to accept that the skin will be on my body for the rest of my life, refuse to accept a permanent reminder of what I worked so hard for yet can’t escape from, I HAVE accepted that it happened. I can be proud of all that I’ve done and know that in a million years I’d never trade the excess skin and health for obesity.
2. People will want to talk about your weight loss
It starts out as awkward at first, then becomes rewarding and then can sometimes be downright irritating.
When I was heavy, being the center of attention or topic of conversation was uncomfortable. The last thing I ever wanted to do was call attention to myself, especially not my weight. No one brought it up back then either. Being overweight is like being the elephant in the room (no pun intended). No one mentions it and no one asks about it.
Could you imagine? “Hey, so, I see you’ve gained some weight this year.”, “You look bigger since I saw you last!, “What have you been doing to gain so much weight?”.
Losing weight, on the other hand, is a different story. Everyone wants to discuss it, ask you about it, congratulate you for it. For someone who did everything in her power to shy away from conversations about herself, this was really uncomfortable. It pretty much sucked at first. To me, every comment and conversation was basically an affirmation to how out of control I had let my weight get. My internal dialogue was, “yeah, I know. I was really, really heavy before. I get it. Thanks for pointing that out.”
I know that’s not what they were saying, but when you’re used to your weight being the topic that was avoided like the plague, talking about it openly with EVERYONE wasn’t a fun experience. Even though it was meant to be congratulatory, the attention was really unpleasant. I also wasn’t accustomed to receiving compliments about my appearance. It was a foreign concept to me. No one ever randomly came up to me and told me how good I looked when I was almost 300 pounds. Ever. So when it started happening, I never knew how to respond. An awkward, “ohh.. thank you” was usually as much as I could mumble out before quickly changing the subject. I didn’t mean to sound unappreciative, I just really didn’t know what to say.
After a while of having hundreds of the same conversation, it started to feel good. Really good. After I got used to the attention, it became a motivating factor in continuing to lose weight and get healthy. It felt good. People treated me differently, acknowledged my presence when I came into a room and wanted to know what I had to say. Extreme weight loss turns you into a little mini celebrity. People threw compliments at me constantly and, at the time, I ate it up. It sounds narcissistic, but I’ve reflected back to those months where I was losing drastic amounts, and I truly think that my self-esteem and confidence needed that boost from people who supported me.
As I’ve mentioned, being overweight my whole life I never received any positive comments on my looks. I was always complimented on other aspects of me. My personality, my intelligence, my creativity, my humor. I felt good about who I was as a person, even without anyone’s validation, but I knew I felt absolutely terrible about how I looked when I was 293 pounds. I don’t feel that way anymore. While that also isn’t solely from the attention from my friends and family, I do think that certainly helped me feel like it was okay to love what I look like. Not that I, or you, need permission to feel beautiful at any size. It was just incredibly rewarding to hear that the efforts I’ve been putting forth were noticed. That both encouraged me to keep going and gave my previously low self-esteem the boost it needed.
Buuut. After a certain point, it gets really old when your weight loss becomes the only thing people want to talk to you about. Again, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or unappreciative, but sometimes I want to talk about other things besides how I lost weight, what I eat, how I cook, what exercises I’m doing, how much more weight I have to lose or what I look like. I don’t hold it against most people. After all, how are they suppose to know I’ve had the same conversation with 4 other people tonight already.
Read about my top non-scale victories that were more rewarding than the scale!
It will start to seem like all you do is talk about your weight loss. It sort of becomes part of your identity and it will always get brought up by those who know you. At work, at family functions and everywhere else. Even if you don’t want it to. You’ll become the person who lost “x” amount of weight and just like in the first awkward stage, you’ll again try changing the subject constantly. I realize it’s not as new and interesting to me as it is for other people who don’t live it everyday and I know it generally comes from a place of curiosity or support. It doesn’t always bother me but I do find myself wishing I could have a normal conversation that isn’t about my weight.
Which leads me to #3:
3. Everyone has an opinion or advice and sometimes they suck
I’ve learned the hard way that losing weight opens you up to unsolicited comments from, basically, everyone. Even the most well meaning people give some crappy advice and even the most supportive people have some less than helpful things to say.
Some of my personal favorites? “Be careful.. You don’t want to get too skinny!”, “Keep going!”, “You look fine. I don’t think you have any more weight to lose!”, “You can eat this just this once!”, “I don’t remember you being that big.” “You look so much better now!”
I think these are self-explanatory as to why these may not come across as helpful and supportive as someone who hasn’t lost a significant amount of weight may think. In a nutshell, I learned that these comments from people I love are hard to stomach and are taken much more personally and literally than they should be.
When someone tells me to “keep going” I either want to say, “no shit, really? I was planning on just staying 30 pounds away from a healthy weight actually.” or “What? I don’t look good enough right now?” Either way, someone using that as a form of encouragement results a negative reaction. A bit irrational, maybe, but it makes me feel like they’re really trying to slip in a subliminal message telling me they still think I’m too heavy.
“You look so much better now!” Well, thank you. I didn’t realize I was such a monstrosity to look at before but I’m glad you approve of my new appearance. If I didn’t feel like shit about how I let myself go, I do now. Thank you.
I roll my eyes so hard when people tell me that they don’t remember me being as big as I was. This one just annoys me. I remember. I lived that way for my entire life. Being the biggest person in every room, not being able to find clothes in regular stores that fit me, having a hard time getting in and out of the car, my weight affecting every aspect of my everyday life. I remember. I remember it really, really well and I doubt I’ll be as quick as you to forget.
Also, telling me I don’t have any more weight to lose places me in the position of having to defend how overweight I am still. I’m now forced to explain that, no, I am not at a healthy weight and I do, in fact, still have plenty of weight I could stand to lose. That’s not enjoyable. Please don’t make me have to explain to you that, although YOU think I look fine, I’m still unhealthy. I’m working really hard and having to tell you I’m not there yet makes me feel like I’m also having to discredit myself.
I don’t hold these comments against people who haven’t had to deal with weight issues. I know they just don’t understand how some of these things sound to someone who has. I’ve realized the hard way that I need to take these comments with a grain of salt, understand they’re meant to flatter and encourage, and then move on. I’ve learned not to let comments and advice that come off horribly affect me because more often than not, I’m hearing it, interpreting it and digging deeper into it than I need to. No one is trying to call me “still fat”. They meant “keep going” on a surface level so I’ve learned to keep it at that, too.
4. You’ll do everything right and still not lose a single pound
Weight loss is a complicated beast sometimes. It’s determined by a lot of factors and influenced by things beyond our control. Even when you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing sometimes your body just ain’t gonna cooperate. There will be gains, losses and stalls. It’s disappointing to not see losses every single week, but if it was easy, more people would be doing it. It’s more than just intake and expenditure of calories. Things like genetics, other health issues, sleep, environment, menstrual cycle and stress can all stall your weight loss progress.
Read about how to tell you’re on the right track even when the scale isn’t moving!
It was a tough pill to swallow when it happened to me for the first time, but after a while I learned to accept that it’s part of the process and kept on trucking, knowing that the stall will eventually break. It’s one of the most frustrating aspects of losing weight, however. You start to feel like you’re spinning your wheels and continuing to get nowhere. I just kept reminding myself that I was doing everything I could and giving my body the things it needed. Eventually my body caught up with my efforts. Experiencing stalls in my weight loss ended up helping me not depend on the scale so much and to learn to love exercise just for the sake of exercise instead of doing it to solely lose weight.
5. Not everyone will understand why you’re taking it so seriously and they will take it personally
Most people will be outwardly supportive until it inconveniences them or goes against what they want from you. It’s easy for people to be supportive until it affects them in some way. Those ways are usually incredibly small, but there are certain people who WILL take offense to them.
A specific example of this is from when I was only about 4 months into my weight loss journey. It was my good friends birthday and to celebrate, all of my friends were going out to dinner and the bar. The restaurant she had chosen for her birthday didn’t have any food that would be a good decision for me. In fact, I knew that restaurant would be a very slippery slope when it came to being able to have enough will power to refrain from eating and drinking all of my old favorites. Because I was so new to this, I made the decision not to go. I also offered up an alternative, suggesting her and I get together to go do an activity together instead.
This unfortunately didn’t go over very well, as she saw this as my being selfish and not coming out for her birthday just because of my “diet“. I, of course, got majorly annoyed that she couldn’t see where I was coming from. I didn’t trust myself to be in a situation surrounded by food and liquor yet. She saw this as a personal dig at her for not making special arrangements for me on her birthday. I would never ask her or anyone to do that, which is why I offered up a different idea that would actually give her and I more quality time together. She was defensive and told me I should be able to go out for one night without being so serious about eating healthy. The thing she doesn’t understand is that, at the time, I really couldn’t. One night used to turn into days and weeks of binge eating before I got back on track. I ended up doing what was best for me, even though she was offended by it.
Holiday food is another one where certain people will take offense to your refusal to indulge. I call them Food Pushers. You’ll learn to pick them out because they’re constantly telling you, “oh come on, you can just have a little!” or “you can eat _____! It’s Christmas/Grandma’s birthday/Easter!”
Well, no. For starters, I’m around temptations constantly and I don’t appreciate having added ones from my family and friends. That being said, I’ve learned the hard way how to avoid offending anyone in these situations, especially if they were the one who made the food they are trying to push. I often simply respond with I’ve already ate or I’ll try it later. I’ve even just plain lied and said that I already did try it, always thanking them for offering.
This was a hard lesson to learn but I did.. after many months of having to explain and defend the way I am eating now. Having to explain to said Food Pusher that I’m not eating sugar or dairy often ended up just offending them. That, in turn, made them feel like I was putting down what they ate. I learned that when I explain to people what I do and don’t eat and answer their questions about why I make those choices, they get extremely defensive. They perceive it as me telling them that they aren’t healthy, but yet I’ve only talked about my diet, not theirs. It’s a reflection of them, not me and I’ve realized it’s easier not to deal with it sometimes.
6. You’ll get (almost violently) annoyed when people say they wish they could do it and say that they “just don’t have the time” or “are too busy”.
When people tell me this, it comes off as undermining my time and schedule. It feels like they’re saying, “well, I’m way busier than you are, you must have a lot of time on your hands, I have a lot more important things to do”.
Not only that, but I just can’t take that excuse seriously. It’s a flimsy way of saying that you don’t prioritize your health. I can see right through it, because I used to use it myself. I had to make time. My life didn’t stop. Appointments, responsibilities and deadlines didn’t cease to exist because I wanted to lose weight. I had to decide to make it a priority.
We make time for what we think is important and we make our choices based on that. I have very little sympathy or patience for people who tell me they’re too busy. Frankly, it’s almost hard to continue the conversation because I know they’re looking for me to either agree with them, furthering enabling and enforcing their excuses or they want me to give them some kind of secret key to success. Neither of which I can do. If I, previous Excuse Queen title holder, can do it, I really think anyone is capable.
7. You’ll start to unconsciously judge people for their food choices and worry that people are judging you for yours
I’ve learned that I find myself judging people, usually random strangers, for their food choices. Not on purpose and not in a mean way. Really, not in a mean way at all. More out of concern and wishing I could tell them how much better they’d feel because I’ve been there and I know what it’s like. When I catch myself thinking these things about these people I don’t even know, my heart instantly sinks. I don’t know their relationship with food, if they’re trying to make healthier choices and I caught them on an off day or where they are in their own health journey but I do know I have no business in any of it.
I never say anything, because when I was 300 pounds, those people who were always talking about their dietary choices drove me craaaazy. I didn’t care about anyone’s totally-amazing-gluten-free-totally-healthy-way-of-life and I definitely didn’t want them to talk to me about it. I always wondered back then why everyone who was gluten free seemed to feel the need to tell everyone else that they were, too. Now, well, now I kind of understand. I just want to share what I’ve learned and hope that maybe it helps someone else change their life like I did.
I also learned that sometimes I start to unconsciously worry people who know I’ve lost weight are judging ME for my food choices when I eat something less-than-healthy or eat a piece of the birthday cake I’ve publicly declined the last few family gatherings, eat food from the potluck in the break room or when you get the big pasta dish instead of a salad when you’re out to dinner. I sometimes feel the need to defend my choice to people before they even say anything. “It’s been forever since I’ve had this dish!” “It’s my cheat meal” or “I’ve been good all week!” quickly slips out of my mouth hopefully before they even have a thought to think about it.
I’ve learned this is just me projecting my own thoughts on them. I don’t do this as often anymore as I’ve worked on my relationship with food and the anxiety that used to accompany it. I was worried about falling off track, gaining weight back, what others would think if I wasn’t seen being “perfect” all the time. Guess what? I’ve also learned no one really cares except me.
8. You will realize how much you’ve been settling for things
Losing weight gives you a different outlook on life than you may have previously had. This was especially true for me when I think about how much I was just settling for in my life when I was overweight. I allowed things to happen to me instead of reaching for more and striving for better. Maybe it’s the increase in confidence. Maybe it’s thinking that if you were able to do this, you can do anything you set your mind to. Maybe it’s the idea that you’re getting a second chance to live life on your own terms. Maybe it’s just wanting to be happy and healthy in all aspects of your life now.
Maybe it’s a little of all of it. I’m not sure. But for a lot of people I’ve talked to, this is a common and sometimes painful realization. Knowing you spent a great deal of time settling for less than you deserved somewhere (or many places) in your life kind of sucks. Many people, myself included, simply don’t realize they’re worth more than they’re getting. I got used to giving more than I got, thinking this was the best I could do, and not asking for what I wanted. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship, tolerated bad friends, stayed in jobs I didn’t like and didn’t do things or have experiences that I wanted to. All of this, unknown to me at the time, further perpetuated my binging, low self-esteem and weight gain.
This was hard to learn because on first thought, it feels like such a waste of time. I’ve grown to appreciate that place in my life because I can see how those things brought me to the place, the people, the experiences and the mindset I have now. That whole “everything happens for a reason” thing isn’t a cliche for no reason, I guess.
9. Even though you can shop for regular sized clothes, some clothes will still not look good on you
With all of the changes in my body that have happened, clothes that I once pictured myself being able to wear are still a no-go. Shopping and dressing rooms used to be a miserable experience and they still aren’t very fun for me. While it’s easier to find clothes and there’s a much bigger selection available to me, because of my loose skin clothes fit really awkwardly. Long sleeve shirts that fit in my mid-section have to be sized up because they don’t fit my arms with the excess skin. Pants that fit in the legs and butt have to be bought up a size because of the loose skin on my stomach. Tank tops and short sleeves are avoided at all costs. My arms make me look a lot heavier than I actually am and I’ve learned that even though I thought I’d be free from dressing to hide my body once I lost weight, I still have to. I guess I don’t HAVE to, but for my own comfort, I do.
I’ve worn a dress for the first time in my adult life and while I feel so beautiful in it, it was a nightmare to find because it had to cover my arms still. I have to be particular about workout clothing because the pants have to be high wasted enough so that my loose skin doesn’t cause me issues while I run or do certain weight machines.
It’s all just kind of a hassle still and definitely not a challenge I was expecting to run into. I’m really proud of all I’ve accomplished, but I still find myself wishing I could walk into any store like a normal person and dress my body not my insecurities.
10. Your relationships may change
My friendships, familial relationships and romantic relationships have all changed in a lot of different ways. Some good changes and some not so good, but all of them have strengthened me as a person and served to teach me how to strengthen my other relationships as well.
I’ve lost some friends as the common bond of eating out or going to the bars proved stronger than our actual friendship. Other friendships have become even closer as I’ve grown into myself, been able to become a better friend to them or shared our health goals while supporting each other. I’ve made new friends who never knew the obese me which has felt almost like a fresh start.
Some of the relationships with my family members have become stronger because I’m more involved and engaged and some have become more strained as I’ve stopped allowing people in my life who bring me down and don’t serve me positively anymore. Same with my romantic relationships. When I stopped making room for people who didn’t treat me well, I made room for someone who does. I’m more “me” than ever before and it’s led to the most mature, respectful, supportive and loving relationship. I’m able to be more open, more vulnerable and accepting of love than I ever could have in the past.
Some of the relationships I’ve let go of have been difficult and just plain hard. Some of the new relationships I’ve formed have been unexpected. But both are a direct result of my weight loss and how I value myself now.
What do you think? Have you had any of these similar experiences or lessons within your own life?
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Jen says
I relate to every single one of these! well said!
Leah says
Yes! I can relate every to aspect. Food pushers, holiday food, explaining why, comments and just saying no are the hardest parts! You have explained it all so well. Reading this will help continue on with my journey. You have helped so many of us in so many ways already, I’m so happy you have a website now!!
Well said, Bailey!
paleobailey says
Thanks, Leah! That means so much to me!
An says
Keep taking care of YOU. Your article is helping me already girlfriend ????
paleobailey says
Thank you so, so much for your support! I’m so happy it’s helping you, too <3
B says
Bailey–YES! While reading this I found myself saying “YES!” over and over and over and OVER again! I have friends who I am able to openly talk about my experiences, commentaries I’ve received by others, struggles I’ve tried to overcome, etc., but never have the words come to fruition like yours. I want to say thank you for sharing these experiences because it has truly taken me through a time-warp of experiences I have struggled through my whole life. The struggles I’ve had trying to become a healthier version of me, with people/family/friends who have very good intentions with their words and actions, but no understanding of what those words/actions are actually saying to me. Literally, this past weekend, as sweet as it was and made me feel great for a split second… I was told by my husband how he doesn’t think I need to lose any more weight and he thinks I’m perfect now..! I know very well I am not at my healthiest, and I know I am not done. I totally experienced the need to defend my unhealthiness and oppressing the hard work I’ve accomplished in order to be able to continue moving forward. I know what he was saying was totally meant with good intentions and full of love, and it did make me feel great for a split second. Anyway, I could go on and on, on how much this post struck a cord with me. Thank you for sharing you story, your life in so many way, and helping people like me to realize we’re not alone. SO pumped for this blog you’ve put together!!! -wholeyguacamole
paleobailey says
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and sharing your experiences with me. It’s so awesome to know that we’re not alone going through these not always so awesome feelings. I’m glad we’re able to relate to each other and that you’re continuing on despite the struggles!
Whitneé Garrett-Walker says
Bailey!
So I’ve been following you for almost a year now and you will ALWAYS be my motivation. I did the Whole30 in January of this year and have not looked back since then. I’ve also joined your dietbet challenge and I must say that you’re an amazing human. Thank you so much for sharing your honesty, being vulnerable with the world and constantly encouraging those of us who are in the boat with you.
paleobailey says
I’m so happy to hear that you haven’t looked back since your Whole30. It’s life changing, isn’t it?! And thank you so much for that kind compliment. I’m happy to be in the boat with ya 🙂
Chrissy Stolze says
I cried when I read number 8. It is how I was living. I am stronger and am taking back my choices. I no longer feel like being a pleaser and excepting less.
Thank you for sharing
paleobailey says
Yes! Exactly. It’s just a freeing feeling!
Donna says
Love that your blog is up and running. I can so relate to the points you’ve outlined here. I only wish I’d learned all of this at 22 instead of 58!
paleobailey says
Thank you so much! I’m glad these relate to more than just me 🙂
Marie says
Love this
The food pusher is one I encounter at work. I am slowly learning that I can’t “cheat” but its been a hard lesson. Getting back on track after indulging is hard.
Love following you on Instagram
Pouring through the blog 🙂 <3<3<3
melissasfoodfreedom says
Bailey,
Thanks so much for this article. It’s so great after following you for awhile now to read in detail about your weight loss journey and the aftermath. Like everyone else who commented already, I SO can relate to every one of these and did find myself silently agreeing with you after each line! I don’t know too many people in my “real” life who can relate to what a big weight loss journey is like with me, so having this awesome online community through blogging/Instagram has been so great for me– I can find people like you who understand and are honest about the journey and can share with each other! Thanks so much for all your hard work on this blog and I can’t wait to see where it takes you! You have a friend and a sister in me! -Melissa
Sherry says
I love your blogs. I start this on April 2nd. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time.
This blog is so true with anything. People make excuses to why it won’t work for them or swear they did it exactly as the program says, but it didn’t work.
Excuses, gotta leave them out and find a way to make it happen.
Thank you for sharing!
paleobailey says
Thanks, Sherry! You are so right. We’re so quick to make justifications and excuses for ourselves.. in the end, we’re only cheating ourselves with them! I’m so happy you’re starting on the 2nd. Come back and let me know how you’re doing, and of course, if you have any questions!
Karen Parton says
Bailey. I cried. This is the first time reading your blog but I’ve been following you on IG for the past year and a half. I love you. I relate on every level with you and am so thankful to see such a real perspective. You’re amazing and thank you! Thank you for being you and doing what you do. 🙂
paleobailey says
Karen, I’m sitting here at work at 2:30 in the morning, surrounded by a ton of people who know me but don’t “know” me. Reading your comment seriously just makes me so grateful to have someone like you to not only read what I wrote, but to take the time to let me know you relate.. that you understand. It makes me feel like we’re all in this together and I’m so thankful to have a place to come to where people DO “know” me. Thank YOU for being my people. Hugs, Bailey
Heather says
This is an amazing and real and I am so grateful to be seeing so much of myself here. I am still at the very beginning of my journey, have been obese since I was a toddler and after tipping the scales at 417 pounds I felt like my quality of life couldn’t be worse and I needed to really commit to turn things around. I’m only about 5 weeks in (I’m following AIP) and have already run into some difficult obstacles as far as the micro-aggression “helpful” comments, food pushers, friends who only want to base our friendship on food and booze, etc. And I’ve known for a while that being realistic about how my body will change is important… the loose skin will happen but I have to believe it’s still better than me at my worst and most depressed. Thank you Bailey for this wonderful post which is still inspiring people like me months and years later.
Heather says
Bailey, did you ever experience temporary hair loss when you were losing weight? I’ve read that it can happen for people who opt for bariatric surgery but I am losing weight naturally just due to my dramatic (but healthy) lifestyle changes and I noticed at around the 60-70 pound loss mark (a.k.a. after about 3-4 months since changing my diet) I started losing way more hair than normal when I brush and wash my hair. I’m at 5 months/83 pounds now and still experiencing this (though thankfully I started out with super thick hair so there is some to spare). I’m on AIP so I suppose there’s a chance it could be a new autoimmune symptom, but I guess I’m just wondering if this was a small part of your story as well (and if so, when did it start/stop, was it ever super noticeable to others, and how long did it take to grow back?).
paleobailey says
Hey Heather! First, congrats!! Secondly, yes – I sure did! I have really thick hair too so it was never like “omg noticeable bald spots”, but I was pulling out what seemed like fistfuls every time I showered. It happened about the same time, 3 months in, and through the research I did it’s a result of your hormones changing and regulating, and your body’s reaction to your stress hormone. Our body gets a bit stressed out when losing weight suddenly happens after not happening at all prior. But once it normalizes, and/or weight loss slows, so does the hair loss :). Something that was recommend to me was taking a zinc supplement, but I can’t speak to that as I never did it because it never became that big of an issue since I have a TON of hair. I’d of course research it and speak with your provider beforehand 🙂
Christina says
I absolutely love what you wrote and I definitely needed to hear it today. Thank you for sharing! I have experienced the same things and I find it comforting to know I am not alone!
paleobailey says
Oh, thank you so much Christina! I appreciate your kind words. You’re definitely not alone!! <3
Robyn says
Thank you for sharing your journey! Things you mentioned are so real! You have a beautiful soul that shines through in your pictures no matter your weight!
paleobailey says
Thank you, Robyn! That means so much to me. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support! <3
Jackie says
Thank you so much for sharing from the heart! I ran across this article while looking through Pinterest for inspiration for my own resolve to stay on track. I’ve been a yo-yo dieter my entire adult life. I lost 100 lbs 9 years ago and slowly over 7 years gained it back. Then last year I lost 70 lbs had to have a knee replacement and gained 46 lbs back. Well, here I am again and I’ve lost 5.5 of the weight I gained so I’m about 69 lbs from my goal again. Hearing you speak so honestly about all the thoughts that weigh us down while on our journey was so uplifting! Thank you again for sharing!
paleobailey says
Oh, Jackie. Thank you so much for this. I can relate, and it’s a never *ever* ending journey for most of us. Keep truckin’ along and taking care of yourself. Hugs!
Comfort Woods says
This is the single most helpful article I’ve read about weight loss. Several years ago, I lost 47 pounds over the course of 18 months and ran into every single issue you discussed. I found myself apologizing and making excuses for eating healthfully to people who didn’t care about their health. After hitting a plateau that didn’t break after 4 months and looking like I needed a facelift (due in part to weight loss and in part to age–I was 60 at the time), I started adding back processed foods into my diet and started gaining weight. Over 2 years time, I regained 27 of the 47 pounds, but I’m recommitted to getting healthy again. Your article helps a lot in this endeavor. Thank you.
paleobailey says
Thank you so much, Comfort. I’m so happy to hear you’ve recommitted to your health again – you can do this! Rooting for you – Bailey
Brooke says
This was really inspiring. Thank you for your honesty in struggles I may face with my weight loss.
paleobailey says
Thank you so much. Rooting for you! <3
Sarah says
I loved this. I was actually just thinking of jotting something down for my own personal self just last week. I lost 100 pounds over the course of last year. I still have more to go. Some days I cry over my ugly stomach now. Just last night in fact, if I am honest. and don’t even get me started on the “girls.”
I escaped a 6 year relationship. Not because of the weight loss, but because of I realized how much I had settled for. I realized I was AMAZING and I deserved so much more than what I had allowed from him.
Thank you for sharing your journey for all of us.
Sam says
Hi! I would like to say that you have written this brilliantly. Pure, from the heart and upright truthful. I can imagine you will reach many readers, even people who have a different story. This is the first time I am visiting your site.
I would like to share a little from my weight story. I haven’t been overweight all my life, it started around 12 when my mum left for psychiatric treatment and my abusive father could go freely his way with me and my two little brothers. I am still struggling with food, it goes one way or the other (overeating, too little food or no food at all). People asked how I have lost weight and I joked “stress and pizza” or “The demons ate my pizza”. When I was overweight No one said Nothing, I felt most of times invisible and scared to be seen.
Some were worried when they saw my weight flying away.. while I felt that I did nothing to create that. I didn’t know what was happening, completely elusive of why I do this. I kept the lid of my past tight and when this would fly open I would stop eating or eating more and more.
I was still being abused, meeting people who are abusers, boyfriends who abuse.. I did not know, maybe somewhere I did know.
I felt and still feel the good in anybody and now I have learned that each has a white child and shadow within themselfs. Now I care to look for the shadow as well. And there are so many shadow people.
I have changed about the ways I eat. Sometimes I walk several times to the kitchen, telling myself to eat and then I turn about to not eat. So why I don’t eat? It feels simple to eat, simple to say I want to eat. My abusers trained me when I can or cannot eat, i mean, like they offer a glass of water and I drink, even though I am not thirsty. When I am experiencing this I am blocked to ask what I need, like food and drinks. So I take all the food you offer, or I cant tell if I would like to eat or drink and sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach to think about food.
A few weeks ago I realised that Eating is the same method as cutting your arm. I know this sounds extreme, bare me. When you eat it is like a drug to overrule your emotions. People cut themselfs to bury their emotions with stimulus. I would say everyone has a way to deafen emotions by stimulus, some shop, some game, some do drugs, some just take a walk.
I feel there is no wrong or right when it comes to the things you do. We are all balanced in a way, just like me dealing with my past and the here&now. I make choices, mostly out of fear. It’s the step to accept and acknowledge that you are now you, with all your thoughts and feelings and hopefully more consiously aware of who you are. I am split into pieces and sewn together and for it is acknowledging who I am now, which piece (or alter) of me is now awake?
I have noticed it can be the uttermost challenge to accept who you are, where and when ever you be.
I have tried to shut down and I have tried to escape and now I want nothing else than to accept, acknowledge, be aware of who I am.. only then, I believe, I can take new steps and make new choices.
You have come a longgggg way and I see you still have some personal issues buried deep. No matter, they will surface while on your way. When I try to remember or want to know what I need, I think of myself being in kindergarten. The things I loved doing and how much I was smiling doing the things I loved doing the most.
I hope this message has reached you well. I am sorry if I gave you any negativity or bothered you down with my story. I shared because I felt I could share with you and I hope it has given you inspiration for your own journey. I wish you well and I wish you the best You can possibly achieve.
Last thing I would like to give is Smile. Smile to strangers, to service people, to your friends and loved, to all who you would love to give or deserve a something like a smile.. you will see how grateful people can be for your smile and you can wonder how your smile has impacted the world.
Me myself say; the best revenge you can have is a smile.
Wish you all the luck,
Love,
Sam
paleobailey says
Oh wow Sam, thank you so much for this kind comment. I appreciate and love everything you said so much. Thank you, thank you <3
Tracy says
Inspirational! Here here, or is it hear hear? I have yo-yo dieted for over 20 years now, but reading your story has inspired me to start a fresh and not be hard on myself and to start making the right choices. I am one of those who has said “I don’t have time!” – “I will start tomorrow”. But as you have said, how ridiculous of me to not prioritise my health over other aspects of my life. I have to make the effort and stop making excuses.
Thank you for your brutal honesty and for sharing your story and for being totally inspirational.
Shey says
Sweetheart I lost a 105lbs from a Gastric Bypass as with my disease I couldn’t do it on my own and my life depended on it ! I want you to know those times when your body stops loosing are normal The body is shifting organs is what the doctors told me I would always loose the weight it would just come off a few weeks later like Inwas loosing 2 pounds a week and I went 2 weeks no weight loss Then I lost a whopping 6lbs all at once 8t usually starts half way point and of course your last few are the hardest! I give you hand down the best encouragement I can as you did this all in your own..As a struggler of weight I’m dealing with emotional issues a fmy back has a herniated disk and yes Not being able to even get up and walk as
Much as befor has made a very negative impact on me I didn’t struggle weight till after my daughter was born..I was able to loose until I end tinto the motorized chair…Yes it’s hard and I have a lot of excess under my arms and my stomach breaks out under there from sweat etc. I can feel everything your saying..Girl wake up you did it all on your own thru each issue you still kept trucking and you are healthy and better for it and now will be able to have children if you want As I learned when we are over weight obese we can’t get pregnant at a certain amount of weight! Always keep your head up and always watch your emotional people around you As I know where my 20 lbs have actually came in from I’m working on changing that relationship to better myself and help me get the 20 lbs back off SOON asits a emotional battle…Sad when you know why but you can’t take care of it and your feared it will blow back up to where it was…I’m proud of your strength that took a lot of wil power and that shows you are a very strong woman and can handle anything Take care Shey
Jo Cox says
Congrats on your success. Keep up the good work and positive energy. I was once a ‘skinny’ gal and then I wasn’t. And I was treated totally different person. Almost non existent and it changed me. Now I am 45 years old and I love me. Rolls and all. And I feel that I have earned each one. I’m not unhealthy but I won’t give into the idea of ‘healthy’. I wish you all the best. Stay strong and listen to you.
paleobailey says
Thank you so much for your kind comment. This means so much to me. And I totally relate to being treated so differently. I’m happy to hear you’re at a place to love yourself so much now <3 Best to you, Jo!
Christina says
You have so much wisdom. I just discovered your site while searching to find a Paleo friendly salad dressing in Wal Mart (unfortunately ours doesn’t carry one yet) and enjoyed reading about your journey. I love how what you’ve done now gives you a platform to help others! Keep up the good work!! ❤️
paleobailey says
Hi Christina! Thank you so much for this kind comment. I appreciate it so much <3. And keep checking your Walmart, I've heard awesome things about them expanding Tessemae's into other regions 😉 Best to you!
CJ says
Love so much about this but have one comment: Often I have chatted with friends who are more solid in their journey than I am and when they speak of being able to work out or spend time concentrating on diet planning (well deserved and utterly appropriate), my response may be “if I only could see my way to making the time to do the same”. Your comment infers that the other individual’s response is somewhat defensive in nature. I would rebutt that and say that perhaps those individuals are seeking some guidance, maybe that “yeah, it totally sucks getting up early, or leaving my family after I get home, but it’s worth it” could be a point of solidarity. I just wanted to relate that when I hear of people who are successful in maintaining a schedule and process, my reply is usually an attempt to tap into that motivation, not to break down the successful person
Tashia D. says
I’m actually in tears right now because I can sincerely relate. It’s been frustrating not having someone that actually understands this journey, but your words are such a relief and inspiration. Too many people I know think that weight loss is just a physical thing and “if you want to do it, then do it”; but for me (especially since I have severe depression) it’s emotional, mental, and physical…Thank you so much for this. It really made my day and I needed this.
Shalene Miller says
Thank you Bailey so much. Your article was so very accurate. One thing that I struggle with is about 11 years ago I lost about 40 lbs, I was so proud of myself. But just as you described, people had comments about what they thought when I was 40 lbs heavier and they would openly talk about how heavy I was before. Since then I have gained back 50 lbs and now I know what they all think but wont say, because clearly they were thinking those things the first time and just didn’t say anything until I lost the weight… It is hurtful to know that this is what they think of me and just felt they could say it to my face only when they didn’t think it would be “rude”. I have tried to loose the weight again but I am finding it harder to stay motivated and committed like I did the first time. Your blog was very encouraging. Thank you for your courage to share some of your most personal moments.
Melaine says
I loved the truthfulness you shared. A great article. Thank you
paleobailey says
Thank you for reading!
Kim says
I’ve been on a different journey, muscles gain (I’m a woman). I love feeling strong and being able to do a lot of challenging things, of course it takes time and I had to switch to a high protein diet. I don’t mean to compare, I am simply surprised of how much I can relate to a lot of that! I hope you the best and a wonderful day!
Deb says
I so identify with everything you say! 15 years ago I weighed 320 pounds. I now weigh (and have for a couple of years) 150-160 pounds…half the person I used to be! Talk about not being able to carry that! Congratulations for everything you share. It is such a journey (and not always what we want or expect) to do what we’ve done. CONGRATULATIONS. Happy to share this journey with you!
paleobailey says
Thank you so, so much! And congratulations right back atcha!! <3
Angela says
I really enjoyed reading this! Some very helpful tips and things to remember. You look wonderful. Enjoy life and continue being the best you!
paleobailey says
Thank you so much!!
D says
This has been so helpful to read! Opened my mind to the struggles I’m enduring during my weight loss. Reading this will help me not overly stress! Thank you!
Now…to get through working in a bakery and not eye-ball the donuts lol
paleobailey says
You can do this!!!
Tina says
♥️You are awesome. Loved your post!!
Mary says
Very helpful and all true. Thank you for sharing
paleobailey says
Thank you, Mary!
Julia says
You are inspiring!!
paleobailey says
Thank you, Julia!
Nishil Prasad says
Congratulations on your achievement, you look incredible and very inspiring!
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post with us.
paleobailey says
Thank you!
Heather says
I read your story and it inspires me. Not only to loose some weight but to reach for all my goals in life. Whether it be career goals, going back to school, being the best version of myself etc. It’s kind of amazing that you have had all these experiences in life to make and create the person you are today. Thanks for sharing this!
paleobailey says
You’re so welcome, and thank you!
Lorie Conn says
I read every word with heart. My situation is that my weight stays the same even though my body balloons up, or skinnys down…right now at 240. I can literally lose 3 pant sizes but still weigh the same. Is this a plateau? Is it still a plateau if it stays that way for a year? For some reason I have had to learn to love myself despite the size jeans I wear, because my “weight” doesn’t change. I am 60 years old now. I am not giving up. It is so refreshing to hear about the real struggles and expectations from you. You are a blessing. I love that you shared and that I got to read about it. Hugs.
sarah says
Thank you for sharing this. I have not been in the situation of needing to lose a large amount of weight, but I have had my share of up’s and down’s to a lesser degree. I remember someone saying that I had lost weight recently. I had worked really hard to lose some weight, but having it mentioned (even in a very respectful and supportive way) didn’t feel good. Now that I read what you’ve written, I realize that it made me aware that others had noticed I was overweight on prior occasions, which I found embarrassing. Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
Shelley says
Wow I thought it was only me that had all this negative thoughts…. I’ve lost 40kgs so far and oh boy its a hard journey.
Missy says
Awesome story. I lost 110lbs in 2012. I completely understand what you’re saying and you are exactly right.
Amy says
What a great piece! Thank you for your honesty and insight! I am just about 4 months into changing what I look like and soooo much of this resonated with me. I have found that something I wouldn’t have guessed is how much I accepted that I needed to put myself first. It’s not something I was used to. So exercise is the priority and I will let 99% of things go to get it done. And that’s okay.
Kylie says
I can’t believe how spot on this article was! I could relate to all 10! You mentioned this a little with people always talking about weight loss, and making Friends with people who didn’t know you when you were heavier, being almost like a fresh start. It’s so true, I almost want my new co workers and friends to not know that part of my life as it may have them look at me differently, this was such a great article! Thank you for validating everything I’ve felt since I’ve lost over 60 pounds.
Gabriela Sepulveda says
Dear Bailey, thank you for sharing your experience. I’m just getting started in my weight loss journey, and I truly felt your were talking to me!
Tiffany says
Bailey you are a very inspirational person. I’m at my highest weight 307. I’m a mother of 3. One is in heaven. I’m also a type 2 diabetic. I just want to say thank you for sharing your story with me. God bless and stay safe.
Demi Hungerford says
This could be the story of my life as I have lost thousands of pounds in my 65 years. I know I’m lucky to have found a wonderful man who loves me the way I am and supports whatever choices I make to be healthier. I’m reading a fictional story by Kristin Higgins, Good Luck with That, and your blog here jumps right in and affirms that the events in the book are all true life events. And it’s not just me. And it’s so unfair! LOL It’s all a mind game and being prone to depression doesn’t make it easier. Thank you so much for all you do to encourage and support folks like me.
Margo says
I needed this today. So well written and relatable.
My thanks!
Jennie says
Bailey, you’re awesome and an inspiration! I wish I was in a place to regain my mental strength as you have, but I’m going to keep working towards that goal. Thanks for sharing your story!
paleobailey says
Thank you so much! And thank you for reading! <3 - B
Betsey says
I loved reading these!!!
Yolande says
Thank you for sharing your story and both the ups and downs. So often we only read about ‘the after’ and how amazing people’s lives are once they’ve achieved their goals, so when others reach their goals they struggle to deal with a less-than-perfect aftermath. Thank you.
Kelly says
This is an excellent article. I remember losing weight and having the same thoughts! Congratulations!! Well done!!
Mm says
Hi Bailey,
Really authentic and inspirational writing. You are a brave and capable person. A tip of the hat, ma’am.
Jayashree says
You are a true inspiration. Thank you for your honesty for taking time out to share
Crystal Revoir says
No one wants to talk about how loosing weight changes all of these things. I though it was just me, and I was being selfish because I felt these things. THANK YOU so much for this article, it made me realize I am not alone! The part about how clothes fit hit home hard as I struggle with this every morning getting dressed. I am started at 295 pounds 2 years ago and with KETO and Exercise I am at 178. I have 20 – 25 pounds to go at this point to be at a Healthy weight (I love that you mentioned this as well). I have actually thought so much about the way I look in clothes I wondered if it wouldn’t just be easier to get fat again, as buying clothes that are too big is easier. Hard to always keep these thoughts in check, but you have helped me so much! Thank you again 🙂
Carrie says
OMG! Yes, yes, yes! I was about your starting weight a year ago. My kids wanted to go to Cedar Point (like a Six Flags in case you don’t know). I hadn’t been in 17 years because I had gotten married and had kids.and the kids were too young up until about then. I am a coaster junkie, but guess who couldn’t fit the safety harnesses anymore? Me. OMG. I wanted to bawl, but it was the day my life changed. This was personal and it was emotional…I won’t give up my coasters. I dumped Coke first. 5lbs gone in 5 days. Then I started the food. No cardio yet. 20 down in 2 months (maybe more…I didn’t have a scale at home). In January, bought a FitBit and started cardio. Today…almost 70 down. I don’t really mind talking about it because it DOES feel good and I’m motivated to help others, but I’ve had people say, “well, I can’t give up the Mt Dew”. And then I think, “number 1, you CAN if you want to and number 2, then don’t ask me!” One simply cannot succeed by drinking sugar drinks. THAT is what grinds me. I get little pressures here and there about food, but I also know if I deprive myself, I won’t succeed as it’s just not realistic for me. When I opt for ice cream (I avoid chips, fried, greasy stuff), those calories are allowed in my deficit of the day…I do NOT EVER go over. But, the plateaus are a bitch. I just keep going. I can’t do cardio anymore as my RA is flaring like crazy, but I do walk significantly. OH! And about the clothing? PREACH THAT! I’m starting to see some looser skin in my arms, but that doesn’t bother me. What was REALLY rough was figuring out what styles I could wear after losing. I knew what would work and what wouldn’t before, but now I am not fitting exactly the same way! OMG. It was emotional! Crazy as it sounds. But as you mentioned, we have this preconceived idea on what we “will” be able to wear and look like and it’s NOT EVEN CLOSE! LOL. It is still changing as I’m still losing, but it’s NOT a stroll on the beach. I’m obsessed with the scale and calories, too. That stuff will make you or break you EACH.DAY. And you know what sucks more?? COVID killed Cedar Point for this year. LOL My luck. I’m hoping I can hold on until this next May because that’s when we will be able to go next….if Covid hasn’t killed it again.
its in comment says
Hi! I don’t want to share my name and I am on a weight loss diet for 55 days (exact) now and I randomly reached your post abut what no one tells you about weight loss. And I felt that atleast half of the points you specified apply on me too (rest half are the ones after getting slim lol). It really felt good to read your post. And I want to write more really i do but suddenly.. I am feeling like I will fall asleep any minute so I should better go and you are very beautiful! and others can notice it only when you are slim and i hate this haha. You are very beautiful bailey. You are very very beautiful!!!! Vey much!
Sue says
Congratulations on your weight loss and life change. Good article ! You have cover many items that are rarely discussed. Well done !
Tammy says
You are wise beyond your years, girl!! I was reading this and was saying, Yes…yes…yes and yes to it all. I lost over 170 pounds at my heaviest 341. I was down to about 160 for a day (exaggeration) and in the last year have put back on 23 pounds. Oy. I need to get back on track with my eating. I’ve been stressed as i’ve lost my job but need to turn this back around. So frustrating!!!
Becky says
You are an excellent writer. I enjoyed your insights so much
paleobailey says
Thank you, Becky. I appreciate that, and you taking the time to read 🙂 Best- Bailey